OT: Talk-Talk Scream-Scream ;-(

<rant>

Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to sales
calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and broadband
- please make sure they know that there are companies out there to get
their broadband business that should not be touched with the proverbial
bargepole.

I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone that
they should not get a computer without first attending some basic free
sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who has never
touched a computer in his life, has problems using a mobile phone, can't
programme the video, no patience to read instruction manuals - and his
overseas daughter wants him to chat to him on Skype. My life is hell
enough with showing him how to preset numbers and text on the PAYG mobile.

So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
about and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for home.
But take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.

Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box talk-talk
sent me a couple of months ago?"

Oh $hit.... ;-(

</rant>

--
Adrian C

"Peter Crosland" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed) o.uk...
> "Adrian C" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
> news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>> <rant>
>>
>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to sales
>> calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and
>> broadband - please make sure they know that there are companies out there
>> to get their broadband business that should not be touched with the
>> proverbial bargepole.
>>
>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone that
>> they should not get a computer without first attending some basic free
>> sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who has never
>> touched a computer in his life, has problems using a mobile phone, can't
>> programme the video, no patience to read instruction manuals - and his
>> overseas daughter wants him to chat to him on Skype. My life is hell
>> enough with showing him how to preset numbers and text on the PAYG
>> mobile.
>>
>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
>> about and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for home.
>> But take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>
>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box talk-talk
>> sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>
>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>
>> </rant>
>
>
> Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of supporting end
> users will have a similar story. I remember a story from more than twenty
> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative
> polity asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came
> in. She replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return
> it to the store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was
> too stupid to own one.

IIRC that was the reply after 20 minutes of trying to find out why the
customer's PC didn't work the conversation eventually went:

"Can you check that it is still plugged in?"

"No I'm sorry it's behind the desk and I can't see"

"Why's that?"

"We have a power cut here and it's too dark"

tim

tim.... wrote:
> "Peter Crosland" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
> news:(E-Mail Removed) o.uk...
>> "Adrian C" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>> news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>>> <rant>
>>>
>>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to sales
>>> calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and
>>> broadband - please make sure they know that there are companies out there
>>> to get their broadband business that should not be touched with the
>>> proverbial bargepole.
>>>
>>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone that
>>> they should not get a computer without first attending some basic free
>>> sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who has never
>>> touched a computer in his life, has problems using a mobile phone, can't
>>> programme the video, no patience to read instruction manuals - and his
>>> overseas daughter wants him to chat to him on Skype. My life is hell
>>> enough with showing him how to preset numbers and text on the PAYG
>>> mobile.
>>>
>>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
>>> about and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for home.
>>> But take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>>
>>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box talk-talk
>>> sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>>
>>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>>
>>> </rant>
>>
>> Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of supporting end
>> users will have a similar story. I remember a story from more than twenty
>> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative
>> polity asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came
>> in. She replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return
>> it to the store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was
>> too stupid to own one.
>
> IIRC that was the reply after 20 minutes of trying to find out why the
> customer's PC didn't work the conversation eventually went:
>
> "Can you check that it is still plugged in?"
>
> "No I'm sorry it's behind the desk and I can't see"
>
> "Why's that?"
>
> "We have a power cut here and it's too dark"
>

My favorite is non computer related.

I was harangued at a party in Johannesburg by a German Hausfrau who told
me the entire story of her noisy neighbours, their late night parties
and general rowdiness. This took nearly 15 minutes.

At the end I said 'so what did they say when you spoke to them about it?'

'Oh, I have never *spoken* to them'

I went off to get a stiff drink.

> tim
>
>

On 15/12/2010 20:43, The Natural Philosopher wrote:
> tim.... wrote:
>> "Peter Crosland" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>> news:(E-Mail Removed) o.uk...
>>> "Adrian C" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>>> news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>>>> <rant>
>>>>
>>>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to
>>>> sales calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and
>>>> broadband - please make sure they know that there are companies out
>>>> there to get their broadband business that should not be touched
>>>> with the proverbial bargepole.
>>>>
>>>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone
>>>> that they should not get a computer without first attending some
>>>> basic free sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who
>>>> has never touched a computer in his life, has problems using a
>>>> mobile phone, can't programme the video, no patience to read
>>>> instruction manuals - and his overseas daughter wants him to chat to
>>>> him on Skype. My life is hell enough with showing him how to preset
>>>> numbers and text on the PAYG mobile.
>>>>
>>>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
>>>> about and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for
>>>> home. But take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>>>
>>>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box
>>>> talk-talk sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>>>
>>>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>>>
>>>> </rant>
>>>
>>> Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of
>>> supporting end users will have a similar story. I remember a story
>>> from more than twenty years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman
>>> call centre operative polity asked the woman caller if she still had
>>> the box the computer came in. She replied that she had and was told
>>> she should pack it up and return it to the store she bought from and
>>> ask for a refund on the basis she was too stupid to own one.
>>
>> IIRC that was the reply after 20 minutes of trying to find out why the
>> customer's PC didn't work the conversation eventually went:
>>
>> "Can you check that it is still plugged in?"
>>
>> "No I'm sorry it's behind the desk and I can't see"
>>
>> "Why's that?"
>>
>> "We have a power cut here and it's too dark"
>>
>
> My favorite is non computer related.
>
> I was harangued at a party in Johannesburg by a German Hausfrau who told
> me the entire story of her noisy neighbours, their late night parties
> and general rowdiness. This took nearly 15 minutes.
>
> At the end I said 'so what did they say when you spoke to them about it?'
>
> 'Oh, I have never *spoken* to them'
>
> I went off to get a stiff drink.

Or the woman in my father's village who proclaimed that she wouldn't let
her boys go in the water until they could swim!

George

>>>>>> <rant>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to
>>>>>> sales calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and
>>>>>> broadband - please make sure they know that there are companies out
>>>>>> there to get their broadband business that should not be touched
>>>>>> with the proverbial bargepole.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone
>>>>>> that they should not get a computer without first attending some
>>>>>> basic free sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who
>>>>>> has never touched a computer in his life, has problems using a
>>>>>> mobile phone, can't programme the video, no patience to read
>>>>>> instruction manuals - and his overseas daughter wants him to chat to
>>>>>> him on Skype. My life is hell enough with showing him how to preset
>>>>>> numbers and text on the PAYG mobile.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
>>>>>> about and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for
>>>>>> home. But take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box
>>>>>> talk-talk sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>>>>>
>>>>>> </rant>
>>>>>
>>>>> Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of
>>>>> supporting end users will have a similar story. I remember a story
>>>>> from more than twenty years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman
>>>>> call centre operative polity asked the woman caller if she still had
>>>>> the box the computer came in. She replied that she had and was told
>>>>> she should pack it up and return it to the store she bought from and
>>>>> ask for a refund on the basis she was too stupid to own one.
>>>>
>>>> IIRC that was the reply after 20 minutes of trying to find out why the
>>>> customer's PC didn't work the conversation eventually went:
>>>>
>>>> "Can you check that it is still plugged in?"
>>>>
>>>> "No I'm sorry it's behind the desk and I can't see"
>>>>
>>>> "Why's that?"
>>>>
>>>> "We have a power cut here and it's too dark"
>>>>
>>>
>>> My favorite is non computer related.
>>>
>>> I was harangued at a party in Johannesburg by a German Hausfrau who told
>>> me the entire story of her noisy neighbours, their late night parties
>>> and general rowdiness. This took nearly 15 minutes.
>>>
>>> At the end I said 'so what did they say when you spoke to them about it?'
>>>
>>> 'Oh, I have never *spoken* to them'
>>>
>>> I went off to get a stiff drink.
>>
>>Or the woman in my father's village who proclaimed that she wouldn't let
>>her boys go in the water until they could swim!
>>
>
> Or the American couple at the houses of parliament, camera pointing at Big Ben:
>
> " Hey honey, take a picture of it when it chimes"

Or the German man in London who asked me the way to the Whitehouse.

--
Graham.

%Profound_observation%

"James Noble" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message news:i4m3AMBNmcCNFwYb@??????.???...
> Peter Crosland said the following on Wed, 15 Dec 2010 at 19:17:35
>>"Adrian C" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>>news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>>> <rant>
>>>
>>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to sales
>>> calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and broadband -
>>> please make sure they know that there are companies out there to get their
>>> broadband business that should not be touched with the proverbial
>>> bargepole.
>>>
>>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone that
>>> they should not get a computer without first attending some basic free
>>> sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who has never
>>> touched a computer in his life, has problems using a mobile phone, can't
>>> programme the video, no patience to read instruction manuals - and his
>>> overseas daughter wants him to chat to him on Skype. My life is hell
>>> enough with showing him how to preset numbers and text on the PAYG mobile.
>>>
>>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it about
>>> and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for home. But
>>> take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>>
>>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box talk-talk
>>> sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>>
>>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>>
>>> </rant>
>>
>>
>>Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of supporting end
>>users will have a similar story. I remember a story from more than twenty
>>years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative polity
>>asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came in. She
>>replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return it to the
>>store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was too stupid
>>to own one. Nothing has changed despite the all pervading technology that
>>has affected almost everybody's life. Some people are just quite incapable
>>of coping with it.
>>
>>Peter Crosland
>>
>>
> Many years ago in the days when computers were real computers and I was the senior support engineer for a well known PC
> manufacturer (top of the range but not blue), I had to handle an irate customer who wanted a refund because his computer was
> missing 1 Kilobyte of memory. The startup message said "639 K of RAM" whereas his mate's PC said "640 K of RAM" and he was going
> to sue everyone and his brother over the issue.
>
> He was too thick to understand that 1 K of memory was assigned to interrupt vectors etc. and that "all" PCs worked in the same way
> but may report the memory differently. Our PCs were honestly reporting the memory available whereas others reported the total
> amount of memory.
>
> We ended up refunding his money and he proudly announced that he was going to buy a "proper" computer which ended up being an
> inferior product from a very "Sugary" supplier.

Mr Sugar's bessy mate turned in a good profit recycling your missing 1k's

--
Graham.

%Profound_observation%

James Noble wrote:
> Peter Crosland said the following on Wed, 15 Dec 2010 at 19:17:35
>> "Adrian C" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>> news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>>> <rant>
>>>
>>> Please, please, if you know anyone vunerable who may fall prey to sales
>>> calls from utility companies, like gas, electricity, phone and
>>> broadband -
>>> please make sure they know that there are companies out there to get
>>> their
>>> broadband business that should not be touched with the proverbial
>>> bargepole.
>>>
>>> I've just spent a day (fine, had lunch) trying to convince someone that
>>> they should not get a computer without first attending some basic free
>>> sessions on a council literacy course. This is a chap who has never
>>> touched a computer in his life, has problems using a mobile phone, can't
>>> programme the video, no patience to read instruction manuals - and his
>>> overseas daughter wants him to chat to him on Skype. My life is hell
>>> enough with showing him how to preset numbers and text on the PAYG
>>> mobile.
>>>
>>> So I leave (2 beers), it's agreed - take it easy, find out what's it
>>> about
>>> and then we'll sort out the necessary equipment and ADSL for home. But
>>> take it slow, man. It'll be like driving for ya first time.
>>>
>>> Then came the question "So what do I do with this router box talk-talk
>>> sent me a couple of months ago?"
>>>
>>> Oh $hit.... ;-(
>>>
>>> </rant>
>>
>>
>> Make an excuse and leave now. Any person with experience of supporting
>> end
>> users will have a similar story. I remember a story from more than twenty
>> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative
>> polity
>> asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came in. She
>> replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return it
>> to the
>> store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was too
>> stupid
>> to own one. Nothing has changed despite the all pervading technology that
>> has affected almost everybody's life. Some people are just quite
>> incapable
>> of coping with it.
>>
>> Peter Crosland
>>
>>
> Many years ago in the days when computers were real computers and I was
> the senior support engineer for a well known PC manufacturer (top of the
> range but not blue), I had to handle an irate customer who wanted a
> refund because his computer was missing 1 Kilobyte of memory. The
> startup message said "639 K of RAM" whereas his mate's PC said "640 K of
> RAM" and he was going to sue everyone and his brother over the issue.
>
> He was too thick to understand that 1 K of memory was assigned to
> interrupt vectors etc. and that "all" PCs worked in the same way but may
> report the memory differently. Our PCs were honestly reporting the
> memory available whereas others reported the total amount of memory.
>
> We ended up refunding his money and he proudly announced that he was
> going to buy a "proper" computer which ended up being an inferior
> product from a very "Sugary" supplier.

Best one was when I did a coding job for a snotty bloke with a man an a
dog company.

Afterwards I saw he had an Apricot computer as well as the clone I was
using to demo my code. 'Is that any good' OH yes, its miles faster' he
said 'look I'll run our application on it and you do the same on the
cheap machine' And so we did and yes, the apricot was miles faster.
'Odd' I thought, 'clock speed and ram are the same..wot's going on'.
Lightbulb time I quickly edited IIRC config.sys and put files=32
buffers=32 in it, same as the apricot and said..'can we try again?'

The apricot was fractionally slower.

He never spoke to me again.

On 16/12/10 10:50, Mark wrote:
> On Wed, 15 Dec 2010 19:17:35 -0000, "Peter Crosland"
> <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
>> I remember a story from more than twenty
>> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative polity
>> asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came in. She
>> replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return it to the
>> store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was too stupid
>> to own one.
>
> I always thought this one was an urban myth.

It kind of is...
http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp

chris wrote:
> On 16/12/10 10:50, Mark wrote:
>> On Wed, 15 Dec 2010 19:17:35 -0000, "Peter Crosland"
>> <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
>>> I remember a story from more than twenty
>>> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative
>>> polity
>>> asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came in.
>>> She
>>> replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return it
>>> to the
>>> store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was too
>>> stupid
>>> to own one.
>>
>> I always thought this one was an urban myth.
>
> It kind of is...
> http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp

The most gobsmacking call I go was from a now very ex girlfriend

"Where are you?"
"I am here at my house"
"But where is it? I am lost"
"well its here, where its always been. At XYZ postcode in the village of
PWR"
"well how do I get there?"
"That depends on where you are. Where are you?"
"I don't know. I AM LOST!!!".
"well..what do you expect me to do?"
"MEN!".

I think that was the beginning of the end for that relationship.

"The Natural Philosopher" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:ied1qt$bjk$(E-Mail Removed)...
> chris wrote:
>> On 16/12/10 10:50, Mark wrote:
>>> On Wed, 15 Dec 2010 19:17:35 -0000, "Peter Crosland"
>>> <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
>>>> I remember a story from more than twenty
>>>> years ago. After an hour on the phone to woman call centre operative
>>>> polity
>>>> asked the woman caller if she still had the box the computer came in.
>>>> She
>>>> replied that she had and was told she should pack it up and return it
>>>> to the
>>>> store she bought from and ask for a refund on the basis she was too
>>>> stupid
>>>> to own one.
>>>
>>> I always thought this one was an urban myth.
>>
>> It kind of is...
>> http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp
>
> The most gobsmacking call I go was from a now very ex girlfriend
>
> "Where are you?"
> "I am here at my house"
> "But where is it? I am lost"
> "well its here, where its always been. At XYZ postcode in the village of
> PWR"
> "well how do I get there?"
> "That depends on where you are. Where are you?"
> "I don't know. I AM LOST!!!".
> "well..what do you expect me to do?"
> "MEN!".
>
> I think that was the beginning of the end for that relationship.

Years ago my boss rang me from Milton Keynes with virtually the same
question. He wanted to get to a customer there, and I had once lived in
Milton Keynes so he thought I could help. Not much, since he didn't know
**where* in Milton Keynes he was at the time

--
Graham J